Haba…! (In Nigerian pidgin English)

This thing wey I wan write now, na from inside belle e dey come oh. Anyone wey read am wan vex, na im own wahala be dat. Me I don talk the one wey dey pain me here.

For this our Nigeria problem, me sef I don tire. Everyday man-and-man go dey complain, dey debate, dey argue, in fact, sometime sef, we dey even fight ourselves because we no fit see with korokoro eye the thing wey this govment dey do us complete. Instead make we talk am as e dey do us for body, we go style am out talk say, “them dey try pass the last people.” How person no go fit even do im work well; forget about complete sef; and we go dey talk say im dey try? Which kind mumu thinking be that one?

Ok…oh, make me sef come talk the one wey I don experience, as no be my place to dey yarn the one wey I no take eye see korokoro. Na for Port-Harcourt me I grow up; I be proper ‘porracort’ person. For them days, na every weekend we dey drive go village, as my papa na chief for that time. We get only one traffic light that time, but traffic no bin dey as e dey now. The city fine no be small; hibiscus flower dey everywhere wey person look. If una decide to waka reach Onne side, you go see beta road and proper road traffic people wey they check motor and driver to make sure say papers complete. Transport that time na so e dey flow correct. No be say wahala no dey oh, wahala dey plenty for society that time, but the wahala no be like today. That time if ‘Nepa’ wan take light, them go announce am put for television; and kukuma tell you the exact time and for how long dem go take am, so person go fit go prepare in advance. That time, we get one generator for house too, but na very rarely we dey on am. Fuel no dey scarce that time because refinery dey work. I say before we dey fry garri for village, we dey carry leg press palm oil comot. If na fish you wan chop, na only head go oppress you, come talk of body. That time, everything bin dey well organised. We come get plenty oyibo here wey do work for here, some too wey dey follow thief our money small small dey kampe. But no wahala comot, as long as everything wey normal man and poor man need to survive bin dey nyafu-nyafu.

Today, nothing come dey work proper. Light sef no dey, and if e come, na short-time e go stay, like ashawo with alarm clock. For inside house, every person must to buy stabilizer put, if dem no wan to dey buy-buy new tee-vee and oda electronics every week. Na so so generator full the whole place now, and for evening, even inside face-me-I-face-you, na so so generator sound you go hear and oil smoke you go dey breathe inside. For Rivers State, my state, dem say we get plenty gas turbine oh, but federal government say every state must dey for national grid, so no any state now fit power themselves. Which kind government be this wey go see im people for darkness, for inside 2012, come dey supply other people country with steady light, but no light go come dey for inside im own home? No be person wey hate im people be that? Yet oh, some of the same people wey this our government dey nyash well-well go say the people dey work. Which work na? Me sef I just tire. The cabal people wey dey control diesel and dey sell us generator, including ‘I-better-pas-my-neighbour’, no be them dey make money well-well from this our misfortune? How country wey get one of the highest record of oil reserves for Africa, plus come be abi na 5th or 6th largest supplier of oil, come dey import petroleum products? Chei…we don suffer pass suffer. And you know say all of our leaders; the politicians oh, and the cabalists sef, na dem dey travel pass. Na dem dey go away see better cities, but e no pinch dem for head say make them place kukuma fine too. No be madness be that one? Na so so mad people wey come dey rule us so, abi?

Many of these our so called politicians wey no gree go school na im dey rule us now. If na my friend, he say: “all of them be poor people children, because their own poverty dey mostly for their mind”. Na them be the ones wey no wear sandals go primary school; wey no wan take eye see proper book to take write ontop, instead na slate and chalk wey them dey use draw nonsense when teacher dey talk; na them dey rule us now oh. Agboro don turn yuppie. Na now wey dem be adult wey dem wan chop all the cornflakes wey dem miss as pikin. Abi we go jus siddon allow this kind riff raffs to continue to dabaru this our country? Dem no get kobo vision oh. Nna, no be this craze people wey no dey groomed for this kind responsibility, wey no for fit anyday imagine the position wey dem sidon ontop, na im go come dey make laws for us? Na craze person go determine of our land fate? No be mad people we sef come be if we siddon dey scratch blokos dey look? I say today, we get people wey dey for house of reps wey no fit even spell house, let alone reps. Haba!

Our president wey study zoology abi na animal husbandry nko? Wetin that one get to do with politics, economics, or law-making, me sef I no sabi. And you know say na GEJ be our most educated leader; chei…we don suffer. Ok make we take am say GEJ sabi book small, and na merit him take become presido. But how person wey dey responsible for country go come ontop tee-vee talk with all him alacrity say he no go declare him assets? Talk say, ‘as for am, him no care.’ So we no fit know how much him get before he become our presido? Na him get the whole country money now, abi? Na wah oh… And some mumu people dey talk say na him right to behave like so. You see, this na the mind of some Nigerians today. Because them dey see small contract chop from the man and him cronies, them forget say the big chop na them they chop am, and the biggest one na the oyibo wey dey scatter us from inside dey comot am put as well.

Now make we carry eye come look Port Harcourt, as e don come rubbish with this our one lane flyover. Since dem build that thing, no person don open mind think say e for better make we kukuma expand am. When motor spoil inside, na so so traffic we go dey see. Ordinary man dey suffer for this our land because we get proper mumu leaders, wey e be like say na devil sef don come baptize. To take good mind do something for the people sef, na so so cunny them dey take waka. Put small here, put small there, then the whole money go loss. When you ask people about our governor, dem go say: “he is doing well oh. A lot better than his predecessors…” Ok, maybe that one na true, but wetin be him job? Abi na to do less?

The proper Port Harcourt na inside town – Borikiri, and for D/line. Na inside dis places na im we we suppose use remind us of the Port Harcourt of old. Them bin dey before GRA sef. Ok…make I ask una one question: ‘If person wan preserve building, no be the foundation he go strengthen first? Abi you go leave foundation go begin build penthouse?’ We never finish to repair old Port Harcourt, now we don dey spend money dey build greater Port Harcourt, and everybody think say this na better move. Ok, make we com gree say the city need expansion, but wetin happen to Borikiri and D/line? You don drive pass railway for D/line lately? Or fruit market sef? Even if person dey run backwards, e go first all the motor there pass. Come see the size of di pot holes wey dey for road, you go think say na Boko haram dey do construction there. Borikiri dey even worse sef. The whole roads for town na proper apology. And na town na im busy pass. The gutter there dem don full so tay dirty they spill over enter domot. If you reach the waterside, na cry person fit cry. I no no how some people fit dey live there. But we get governor wey dey try, shebi…?. When rain come fall, na that one dey start anoda drama. As them raise roads for GRA, place wey them plan well well years ago, now our over sabi people don dabaru the whole place. Na so so flood flood oh…all the houses there dey flood the go.

Person go on news or read paper and na only big-big talk we go dey hear. Everyday na so so big projects them say dem dey do. Wetin happen to the small ones nko? No be di people wey dey here suppose benefit form government work? Na who suppose be priority for the eye of government sef; contractors or state people? Now them don carry ‘monorail’ follow put for this mago-mago. For place wey no light dey; place wey PHCN wan increase tarrif for the darkness dem dey supply; na here wey dem wan build monorail network. I no fit laf… Man never suffer tire yet make another mugu come piss ontop my head wey I dey find garri chop. Monorail kor, Maxirail nii. Make we see the outcome of that one, if no be propa gbese that waka go follow.

Person wey wan help im people go first try focus on wetin the people need, before dem go chop xtra put for their own belle. If we get beta rail network sef, that one sef for good. Which time wey person even see train pass last? Na blok-blok people don carry patch the road wey crossing dey. Even the nama sef dey wear shoe because of the trekking. As for transport here, all the fine-fine bus wey dem buy put for public transport don jam body finish. Taxi now dey like moto wey get kwashioko. Traffic don full the whole place because the roads for pickup place don scatter finish, and na so congestion come full for the junction dem. See wahala for ‘water-lines’, ‘park’, ‘garrison and slaughter’ junctions, as people dey scramble for motor and motor dey scramble for space and people. But they are working, abi..?

Abeg make una help me ask oh: ‘How person wey get shit for inside palour go sidon watch tv with visitors, and all of them go dey act like say the shit no dey smell?’

Abeg make we begin dey talk am as e dey do us for body. No be to follow mediocrity waka because we dey fear who dey listen and wetin go happen to us. Wetin fit worse than wetin we get now?

As Fela talk am: “na so so wahala for dead body, and for owner of dead body…” Me sef I tire…

Ea2 – 2012 (In PHC)

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